Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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