Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
