so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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