dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
