I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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