life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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