There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
