I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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