I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
