Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
