Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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