i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
