did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize