If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
