There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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