I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
