I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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