She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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