so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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