I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
