Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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