my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
