Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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