4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
