So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
