Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
