ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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