is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
