how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
