Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
