I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
