I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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