i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
