Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
