i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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