I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
