pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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