I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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