So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
