Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
