hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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