if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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