Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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