Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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