it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
