my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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