On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
