i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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