i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
