I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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