just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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