nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
third nipple confirmed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
