why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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