Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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