Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
