you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
